Becoming a Mommy again

Okay, I feel like I was in a bit of a cold haze last week and just quickly shared a photo with you all and now I am ready to back up and share and always share what the future may hold for us :) I'm excited! First, I had previously shared how I was going through menopause this summer. I did get pregnant in August and miscarried and then in September when things didn't happen, I said to Matt, I just dont want to do the menopause and miscarriage thing over and over again. So, I didnt take a test till October and then realized we were not only pregnant, but past the point where we have miscarried two other times. This is God showing us how soverign and awesome He is. We just feel so blessed and know how big and impossible it could have been. I did share the news when I was 7 weeks along instead of waiting till the second trimester because if something should happen and we loose the baby, it was worth it to share the joy of our moment even if it lasted for a little while. We still choose joy and thanksgiving for the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. We're glad He is giving us another family member. We also went ahead and shared so you could join us in praying this baby into the world. I am physically and old hat in a 29 year old body and each pregnancy has gotton progressively more uncomfortable and the challenges increase. This time we are turning down the shots to stop my early contractions as last time not only did they not work, they worked against my gestational diabetes, and I felt awful. So Ill ride the contraction train to the end and just take it in stride as long as I am not dialating, we're good. This was something we discussed with our delivery doctor last time and she agrees-- its just not good to try and prolong my pregnancy in the long run as my body can only go so far and when we went over the 37 weeks last time, it just got a bit more rough then needed be. We are also going back and forth between a VBAC and a c-section. Our doctors will weigh on on this obviously, but I'm just gonna say I'm not the champ of the delivery room. Its actually pretty embarrassing how wimpy I am. If we go with a V-Bac (and thats where we are leaning) our doctors are very good-- the NICU doc is normally close by, I have to have an epidural to proceed, and some other precautions which make us have faith in the doctors God has placed in that room with us, just little faith in me. The other thing we are going back and forth on is breast feeding. Now, I had always envisioned myself nursing and then I had my first son and I was very very sick and it just wasn't a realistic option. Then came my daughter who also had some issues and so i pumped for 5 months and she drank that. Then came my third who did latch and we seemed okay, but again some weird complications and after 3 months it just wasn't realistic. I am choosing not to share some of the gory details here just because I don't feel it neccessary and you have to remember that my body underwent a lot of experimental chemo and radiation. Which, brings me to my next point-- the two children who did consume my breast milk had febrile seizures. The child who consumed it the longest, had them the most. I am a part of a study at St. Jude's and I wrote in and asked them and they have begun to look in to the affects on cancer survivors children. Sooooooooooo, all that to say, I dont know if my milk is best. It could be coincidence, or we could be right on the money. All we know is we are commiting this to prayer and accepting and following where God leads us in this area. I will say it has opened my eyes to why other moms literally can't breastfeed and choose the best for their babies which is not always breast milk ans that was very enlightening. So, all that to say we are thrilled to pieces and very excited for where God is taking us. We would love your prayers for a safe and healthy mommy, baby, and the rest of the family! Thanks friends, the Gardner Gang!