Waiting

As I began typing this post thats been floating around my head for a month now, this song came on Pandora and since it fit so perfectly, I had to share the lyrics to Everything. "And you play it coy But it's kinda cute Oh when you smile at me You know exactly what you do Baby don't pretend That you don't know it's true 'Cause you can see it When I look at you And in this crazy life And through these crazy times It's you, it's you You make me sing You're every line You're every word You're everything You're a carousel You're a wishing well And you light me up When you ring my bell You're a mystery You're from outer space You're every minute of my every day And I can't believe That I'm your man And I get to kiss you baby Just because I can Whatever comes our way We'll see it through And you know That's what our love can do" Oh my goodness, have seen our share and then some of craziness. The issue of adoption has been floating around my facebook page and as big of an advocate as we are, we still have not adopted. So, lets go back a good twelve years to when Matt and I first met. I had been told I would very likely never have kids. So, in our dating years we prayed about it and felt that we would just adopt. I never felt like I needed to have my own birth children to be a mom and while I know that need is strong for some woman, for us, it wasn't the be all end all way to grow our family. Shortly after we were married I got pregnant right away. We knew I had a short time frame to try to have children so we had just decided to see what happened. And a baby happened right away-- we were elated. However, just a few weeks later I got very very sick and a trip to the ER showed us we had lost the baby. I was devestated-- really I stayed in bed for days almost as much for the emotional pain as the physical. I was grieving the baby but also what seemed like a door closing. After I got better, I took a new job and a few months later, we were expecting again. That baby is our oldest. Shortly thereafter came our daughter. Then a few years later, our second son. Then I began to get really funny. I assumed that our child bearing years were over and we began to talk about adoption again. I had another miscarriage and then thought I was having another one and it turned out that despite the odds, we were expecting. If you knew us last year, you know it was a really rocky road, but even if you're just tuning in, you can see the header at the top of the blog and know that we have our four babies. Right before we had the baby the doctors came in and basically said, look we very rarely tell people under 30 to get their tubes tied, but its pretty bad. Matt and I prayed and just felt a peace about a tubal procedure. Our very words were-- this is not the only way we can grow our family. And with that peace, we had the baby and simultaneously closed that door. I actually am going to end it there as it was a devastating choice for me, but here we are again. We know the need and are beg. to prepare our home to either add more family or sell. We are beg. to up our research and preparing to just get ready to adopt. This current season, we aren't ready. We just have a lot of recovering emotionally and as a family from the last delivery. We need to do several renovations around the house. And I know all this-- I'm telling it all to you. But, there are those days when I am so so tired of waiting. I see others fast track their adoption journey. I see others wait months or make it happen in what seems like over night. And here we are. Waiting. I get tired of waiting. I began to pray about it. The Lord showed me this verse (at first I think I was a little smart mouthed about it and may have reminded the Lord of course I know that verse... everyone does-- sheesh...). But God really just I dont know, broke it down for me. "Isaiah 40:31 King James Version (KJV) 31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." If I was getting weary, than I wasn't waiting upon the Lord. And if I was waiting upon the Lord, than I shouldn't be growing weary. Its so simple, but exactly what I needed. I am waiting, but not waiting upon the Lord. So, thats what we will do. We are going to have a slow journey and I am at peace with that, but when I struggle again, this is the verse I'll come to. Matt and I have seen our fair share of waiting-- I always say we could hash it out with Moses who I always think of when it comes to waiting. So my friend, if you too are waiting for something, deep breaths... give it to the Lord. Lean on Him.