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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Full Circle

Isn't the Lord funny? I think so-- especially inthe midst of a trial, sometimes you just need to step back and find the humor in everything. When we announced we were pregnant on the blog, I referenced the pineapple story. A missionary was trying to grow pineapples and the natives kept stealing them. He began to think-- why did you send me to these ungrateful people who steal just to steal? He got angry and upset. And then he realized, maybe God sent him there to work on his own anger and learn to better serve others. At the time we found out I was pregnant, we were so nervous and scared, and then I thought, maybe its not about us and our fears, but about God showing us how Big he is and what He can do. I thought about pineapples again tonight because that is literally what I fed the kids for dinner. Pineapples. I actually had a few options-- 1. a big bowl of reeses pieces. These would of course be solely for me in my fantasy option. And Id eat them like a starved crazy... well, you get the idea, I saw some candy posts today on facebook and then that was all I could think about. Dont they look divine? I dont like chocolate, but these are the exception to the rule because they are so amazingly delicious (especially with vanilla ice cream... okay, need to stop)! 2. Fantasy option #2-- pizza hut pizza. My husband makes fun of me for this one because as far as pizzas go, really, pizza hut? But, right before I got diabetes, I went here with some friends and all are kids and all I can say is that it was the best pizza I can remember eating. And I want it so, so bad. But, not a realistic option......... So, I cut up three pineapples for the kids and served it with peanut butter bread (because that was the closest I could get to the reeses pieces still in my mind and on the tip of my tongues tastebuds). And why did I do this? Why did I feed my kids this? Well, they do love pineapples and we had 3, so that made sense-- but for dinner? Really? And the answer is I just felt so awful that cutting those pineapples was the most i could handle. And I hate admitting that and I hate the nights lately when I feel so bad. And then I looked at those pineapples and God reminded me again-- just wait and see what I am going to do. And this is hard for me this waiting at this point in the pregnancy because I feel worse each week. My contractions are coming harder. My blood pressure keeps on going up and it makes me swollen and puffy and sick to my stomache. And the headaches-- so I get a little whiney and ask God how bad does it have to be before we can just let it all explode and get it done with? Its like the doctors, nurses, and my husband and I are all watching this bomb slooooooooooowly descend to the ground and we can't do anything to stop it. We have to wait and watch and be ready to act right before it explodes... timing is everything. And so I wait-- maybe thats what God is working on me. Waiting. I dont need to tell Him how bad I am at it- He knows. But I am so thankful He lovingly comes beside us every. single. step. of. the. long. way. And you know what, I am also thankful that bad days are still surronded by good ones. The baby-- still sealed in his cocoon without a clue and just happily growing away. Thats makes me glad and helps makes the waiting bearable.

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